So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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