Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
