can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there was a trapeze. enough said
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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