I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
