The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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