NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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