Are we in a gay sports bar?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
