I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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