I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
