Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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