your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
