sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
