dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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