You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
These tits shall not be calmed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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