I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
