Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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