after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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