Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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