Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
