Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
