Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
