What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
