my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
