I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
