I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
