Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
