I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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