Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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