I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
