You made me cry and you don't even care
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
