sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
