is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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