Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
