the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
