I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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