she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
