Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have feelings that need drinking.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
