Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
