is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
