he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the day after is always just damage control
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
