just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
