I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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