oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
