i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
