Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
