You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
