I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
