Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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