exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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