i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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