You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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